Saturday, June 11, 2011

Song for the day....Snuff.

****No, I'm not ordinarily a SlipKnot fan but I absolutely LOVE-- Love this song.  It fits my life perfectly!*

Bury all your secrets in my skin.
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins.
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...

So if you love me, let me go.
And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care.
I can't destroy what isn't there.

Deliver me into my Fate -
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you...
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago,
If I can change I hope I never know.

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss.
I couldn't face a life without your light,
But all of that was ripped apart, when you refused to fight.

So save your breath, I will not care.
I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love.
Is that supposed to be enough?

I only wish you weren't my friend.
Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a Saint...
Ooh, my own was banished long ago,
It took the Death of Hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul.
You never needed any help...
You sold me out to save yourself...

And I won't listen to your shame.
You ran away, you're all the same.
Angels lie to keep control...
Ooh, my love was punished long ago,
If you still care, don't ever let me know...
If you still care, don't ever let me know...

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Texas Vacation, Needing change and Douche bag roomate...

I sure didn't want to come home from vacation but I really didn't have much choice except to go back to reality.  Back to this place I HAVE to work at and back home to a roommate that is sponging off of me.  I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere really fast.  I'm miserable at my job.  I'm hating the leech that's occupying my couch and my life.  I want to run away from everyone and everything..... Move somewhere no one knows me or my pseudo- reputation.  Maybe it's depression?  Maybe I just need a man in my life, one good one to prove to me that not ALL men are douches.  I need to feel human again, whatever that means. 

I hate, HATE,  HATE my job. Not necessarily the title or duties but the department in general.  I hate feeling belittled and less than everyone else.  I hate rumors and gossip.  I hate working with women who gossip. I hate working with people that know EVERYTHING even when they don't.  I hate the color of the walls and the sound of the phone here.  I hate damn near everything about the administrative part of this stupid place.  I know I should be grateful that I have a job.  I should thank God for the roof over my head that he's provided me and the food on my table but right now, I'd be grateful to clean up bloody crime scene's or flip burgers at the Mack Shack.  Anything but here. 

Oh and the roommate?....Let's just say that since he's lived with me, (will be 1 year in August) He's paid me a total of $244.00....Yep, that's right.  $244 for a whole year's rent, electric, water, food, CELL PHONE, TRUCK PAYMENT,  toiletries --- you name it!  So when I was in Texas, he was supposed to pay the electric bill.  Didn't.  I ended up paying it.  He said he'd pay the cell phone bill.  Didn't do that either.  No groceries nothing.  What did he do you might ask?  He got a new tattoo.  He got the window's tinted in his truck.  Took his girlfriend out to dinner.  Bought himself a prepaid cell phone so he wouldn't be without a phone and left me with nothing! No groceries, no gas, no money.  NOTHING!  and I've supported his ass for months and months and months while he was unemployed. Yes, I know what I need to do.  I'm trying to get him out.  I'm just too nice. 

I left him a note taped to the TV with duck tape.  I told him to grow up and take care of his responsibilities and quit lying to me.  (did i mention that he told me to my face that he had paid the cell phone bill and the phones would be back on in a few Min's and they never were?)  And various other really mean things.  I know what will happen now.  He's gonna either cry and apologize and pay the damn bill or he's gonna have his shit out of my house by the time I get off work.  Either way you look at it, I win.  I'm probably going to have to be without a phone until I get paid, but on the bright side, he wont be there to occupy space and make a mess out of my life and my house.