Saturday, June 11, 2011

Song for the day....Snuff.

****No, I'm not ordinarily a SlipKnot fan but I absolutely LOVE-- Love this song.  It fits my life perfectly!*

Bury all your secrets in my skin.
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins.
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...

So if you love me, let me go.
And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care.
I can't destroy what isn't there.

Deliver me into my Fate -
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you...
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago,
If I can change I hope I never know.

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss.
I couldn't face a life without your light,
But all of that was ripped apart, when you refused to fight.

So save your breath, I will not care.
I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love.
Is that supposed to be enough?

I only wish you weren't my friend.
Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a Saint...
Ooh, my own was banished long ago,
It took the Death of Hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul.
You never needed any help...
You sold me out to save yourself...

And I won't listen to your shame.
You ran away, you're all the same.
Angels lie to keep control...
Ooh, my love was punished long ago,
If you still care, don't ever let me know...
If you still care, don't ever let me know...

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Texas Vacation, Needing change and Douche bag roomate...

I sure didn't want to come home from vacation but I really didn't have much choice except to go back to reality.  Back to this place I HAVE to work at and back home to a roommate that is sponging off of me.  I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere really fast.  I'm miserable at my job.  I'm hating the leech that's occupying my couch and my life.  I want to run away from everyone and everything..... Move somewhere no one knows me or my pseudo- reputation.  Maybe it's depression?  Maybe I just need a man in my life, one good one to prove to me that not ALL men are douches.  I need to feel human again, whatever that means. 

I hate, HATE,  HATE my job. Not necessarily the title or duties but the department in general.  I hate feeling belittled and less than everyone else.  I hate rumors and gossip.  I hate working with women who gossip. I hate working with people that know EVERYTHING even when they don't.  I hate the color of the walls and the sound of the phone here.  I hate damn near everything about the administrative part of this stupid place.  I know I should be grateful that I have a job.  I should thank God for the roof over my head that he's provided me and the food on my table but right now, I'd be grateful to clean up bloody crime scene's or flip burgers at the Mack Shack.  Anything but here. 

Oh and the roommate?....Let's just say that since he's lived with me, (will be 1 year in August) He's paid me a total of $244.00....Yep, that's right.  $244 for a whole year's rent, electric, water, food, CELL PHONE, TRUCK PAYMENT,  toiletries --- you name it!  So when I was in Texas, he was supposed to pay the electric bill.  Didn't.  I ended up paying it.  He said he'd pay the cell phone bill.  Didn't do that either.  No groceries nothing.  What did he do you might ask?  He got a new tattoo.  He got the window's tinted in his truck.  Took his girlfriend out to dinner.  Bought himself a prepaid cell phone so he wouldn't be without a phone and left me with nothing! No groceries, no gas, no money.  NOTHING!  and I've supported his ass for months and months and months while he was unemployed. Yes, I know what I need to do.  I'm trying to get him out.  I'm just too nice. 

I left him a note taped to the TV with duck tape.  I told him to grow up and take care of his responsibilities and quit lying to me.  (did i mention that he told me to my face that he had paid the cell phone bill and the phones would be back on in a few Min's and they never were?)  And various other really mean things.  I know what will happen now.  He's gonna either cry and apologize and pay the damn bill or he's gonna have his shit out of my house by the time I get off work.  Either way you look at it, I win.  I'm probably going to have to be without a phone until I get paid, but on the bright side, he wont be there to occupy space and make a mess out of my life and my house. 


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The boardwalk beast

Dearest Amy (aka my road trip partner in crime, aka MMS slug bugger, aka peach daquiri diva),

I was thinking.  Yes, dangerous...Im aware. Since we will be down south from Thursday to Monday, what do you say we take a 2 hr drive south to Kemah beach?  It's in Galveston. There is a little thing I've been dying to do since I heard about it.  It's called ----wait for it.... wait for it.....wait for it.....

The Boardwalk Beast

what is the beast you might ask;'s a 25 minute ride out into Galveston bay on a huge speed boat. You get wet, sun burned, lots of music and dancing and kids are welcome.  (As well as old folks who may need a wheel chair :) 15.00 a person.  Whatcha think?? I dont know about you but I don't get the chance to go to ocean very often and we'll only be around 100 miles from it.  *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* followed by a big CHEESY grin.  You know you wanna....if you're still not sure, see pics below:

Monday, May 23, 2011


If it weren't enough for my boss the hours I ALREADY worked,  he decided that I should be "ordered" to stay over in the morning due to someone callling in sick.  I have worked way too many hrs this week and then to top it off, I didn't get more than 3 hrs of sleep today due to the weather.  (Gotta love living in tornado alley!).  Im just really frustrated that no one else would answer the phone when he called them and he then decided to text me,  knowing full well that I'd recieve it.  It's just not fair and I'm gonna whine about it.  Damnit! I didnt mind working alll the OT they would give me when I was on days but not night shift. 

And the other issue here is that my best friend is the one that called in sick.  Again.  I don't know if she's really sick or not.  I mean, yeah she has health problems and pretty bad ones to boot but when you get shafted on your schedule week after week, one tends to think the worst of even the best people.  I told her the other day when I had to work the 20 hr shift, that I wasn't mad at her but she better go to the hospital and guess what....she didn't!  Instead she chose to lay in her bed and text me about how bad she felt when i havent slept more than 2 or 3 hrs in 72 hours. In this line of work, it's dangerous to go without sleep.  I'm responsible for too many people's lives to be nodding off!  

Maybe I just really am burned out.  

On another note, the donor came through (didnt think he would...AMAZING) and sent me some money to come down there on.  AND...hold you hats ppl...the roomate is giving me money tomorroww to pay some bills!  I thought armagedon had actually came and the idiot who predicted it was just wrong on his mathematics!  Maybe, just maybe, the talk we had last week worked...this will be 2 weeks in a row he's given me money.  Whoooaaaa....things may be looking up on the home front. :)

Did I mention....Im crabby?

Today is Monday morning at 2:09.  Since my Monday (aka Thursday) I have worked the following schedule:

Sunday 2300-0700 = 8
Monday 2300-0700 = 8
Thursday 2300-1100 = 8 hrs
Friday 1900-0700 = 12 hrs
Saturday 1900 -1200 = 16 hrs
Sunday 2300-0300 = 4 hrs
Monday (if no one calls in...) 2300-0900 = 9 hrs

That is 64 hours in 7 days.  Maybe im whiney but Im freakin burned out.  I want to sleep in my own bed, cook my own dinner and for pete's sake - piss in my own toilet!  Is that too much to ask?????

I'm exhausted.  Beat. Whooped. Dying for vacation.  Only three more days til Texas!!!

The big question

Trying to play catch up on my blog but they guys wont quit running crap....AAArrrrggggghhhh!  I love my job! least that's what I keep telling myself.  However, there was a time in my life where I truly did love my job.  I looked forward to going to work every day and even did so on my days off if things got busy or I was bored and my son was at his dads.  You might think I'm crazy but I really did love it.  I loved the people that I was working with and the responsibilities that I had made me feel important and "in charge" so to speak.  People trusted me and did what I instructed them to do without question because they knew I'd keep them safe.  Here is not the case...Im just another Bitch in the dungeon or a voice on the squawk box. I'm sick of being treated like crap on  a daily basis. 

Here is the dilema:  I heard that the old job that I left this one for is hiring again.  I hate this agency.  I hate the way that people are treated here and I hate the hours.  But the old agency is a $200 per month pay cut.  That isnt much to some people I guess but it's huge to me.  I want to go back so bad I can't stand it but can I really  afford to take the loss?  I'm not so sure. 

I know the major problem is the "roomate", the one that doesn't pay the bills and takes up space and makes a mess.  Since August he has officially paid $100 toward our cell phone bill and just last week, gave me $144.00 that he told me to pay the water bill and electric bill with...HA!  If he only knew that it wasn't a drop in the bucket.  Water bill was 72.00 and the elec bill (2 months worth, mind you...i've been in a financial crisis) was $277.00.  Then had the nerve to tell me that he'd just get what was left from me on Saturday!!!!  BAHAhA!!!!   I paid the water bill and put gas in my car then bought some groceries. There was nothing left.

Yes, I know.  I need to kick his ass to the curb.  Im just a softie, a pushover, a rug, doormat....truly I'm a messed up person.  I have the doormat syndrome.  I need to feel needed - even if it means people using me.  I told him last week, since he had a job, he could make it a monthly thing- paying the electric and water since he doesnt pay rent.  We'll see if he continues to give me money.  I'm not holding my breath but I told him that i'm sick of putting myself and my son last just so I can help him financially and i will not do it anymore and challenged him to find a place to live cheaper and with the same comforts he gets with me.  I cook, do his laundry, pay his cell phone, have paid his truck pmt and what does he do with his money?  Goes out partying and drinking and God only knows what else.  I'm fed up.   

Sunday, May 22, 2011

I'm a list maker....It's what I do. :)

1. Clothing for me:
     a. swim shorts (no, I will not be caught dead in a bathing suit)
     b. jeans and nice shirt, in case we go out.
     c. capris
     d. flip flops (black and red?)
2.  Makeup
3.  Hair dryer
4. Straightener
5. Curling iron
6. Shampoo
7. Deoderant
8. Body Wash
9. Razor
10. Tooth brush /paste
11. Sun screen
12. Bug spray
13. Air Mattress
14. Pillows
15. Blanket
16. Road trip snacks
     a. beef jerkey
     b. sunflower seeds
     c. cheese crackers
     d. gummy worms