Monday, May 2, 2011


 I really need someone to tell me how long it takes to get over the love of  my life.  It's been 2 years almost and I can't stop loving him.  I have dated and sabatoged many relationships because no one could hold a candle to him.   I saw SFA today in passing and I almost threw up.  I miss him so much.  He is everything to me.  Yes, I know it's been two years but I still love him and I still wish things were diffrent.  It has been the hardest 2 years of my life without him.  Even worse than being married and going through a divorce because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is my soulmate. We love each other.  I love him more than I knew was possible to love anyone.  He made the whole world stop spinning when he smiled. 

I suppose I really should back up and tell you the whole story. 

Ok, I used to work for a small county department in the middle of the night.  He worked for an agency that came to our office a lot for paperwork and misc other stuff related to the job ( that I'd rather not mention.  I don't need everyone knowing where I work just yet although Im sure it will come out eventually.. office gossip *sigh*)  Anyway, I was looking out my window into the lobby and I saw him come in.  We exchanged glances a few times and I kept wondering where on earth I knew him from.  After a few days of eyeballing each other I finally asked him his name and where he grew up. It was decided that we'd used to go to school together and he remembered me instantly.  We became great friends.  He was married and I was in a relationship so nothing bad was going on.  We were just BEST friends.  We discussed everything from family, to the weather, to work etc....  One day the topic came to "what if's". You know, "what if I wasnt married, What if I could do this or that"  and how when you get older, relationships  are all about quality, not so much quanity. I knew that I liked this man but would NEVER do anything to jeapordize a family but at that point I think I finally realized that he liked me too.  I was a what if. 

Things progressed from there.  Negatively and positively.  He and his wife had been having problems and she took off with their 8 month old baby and went to Missouri.  It was bittersweet for him.  On one hand, he was happy because she was gone and on the other hand he was sad because the baby was gone and he didn't know when or if  he'd see her again.  We dated and spent a lot of time together.  Of course, I'd fallen in love with him and he with me long before we ever went out. 

The day I knew I'd love him for the rest of my life was March 14, 2009.  He came over to watch movies and spend some time together after my son went to bed.  We were cuddled up on the couch and I remember looking down at his hands.  They were beautiful.  It's silly but they were.  He grabbed my hand and put it in his shirt on his heart and said "do you feel that?  Do you feel my heart?  Its yours"  I felt like I was in a soap opera.  I cried.  Right there in front of him I bawled like a baby and he held me and kissed my head over and over again.  He said that he didnt know how it was all gonna work but it would. 

Two days later he asked me to meet him in the park. Naturally I did.  When I got there I saw that  he was sittinng on the bench with his back facing the parking lot.  When I got to him, I saw that he'd been crying.  He told me that she came back and he didnt know what he was supposed to do.  He loved me and he loved his daughter.  As we sat in silence, I made the hardest decision of my life.  I told him that I'd never ask anyone to choose me over their child.  I ended it.

He asked me to wait for him.  The baby is almost 3 years old now so I figure I have 15 more years to go but I will wait.  However, if Vin Desil or Randy Orton should happen to come along and sweep me off my feet, guarantees.  I do love him with everything ounce of my being. So, what now? 

1 comment:

  1. You take things one day at a time, one step at a time. You keep on keepin' on like the strong and wonderful person that you are. In the immortal words of Trisha Yearwood, "what's meant to be will always find a way". <3